Questions?
There’s no consensus on a definition for a life coach. And that’s a real problem for a scientist, I can tell you. So I divined my own definition of a life coach, using a frame of reference that’s always served me well – occam’s razor – the simplest explanation is most often the correct one.
“A life coach is someone who helps you overcome obstacles, and reach your full potential.”
It’s as simple as that.
If there were no obstacles, you wouldn’t need a coach.
If you don’t want to reach your full potential, well, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.
One of the key elements of this simple definition, however, is the world ‘help.’ A life coach doesn’t just give you answers. A yes or no on what to do next.
They’ll work with you, in partnership, to help you move on with your life, career, whatever it is your struggling with.
First of all, we’ll meet wherever you feel comfortable. Could be a private meeting room, a quiet coffee shop, library or a hotel lobby, it’s up to you. You can even sit at home, and we’ll Skype if you prefer.
We’ll get to know each other a little bit, and I’ll outline the coaching process.
One of the main things here, at the beginning of the relationship, is to establish an environment of trust, respect and understanding. If we can’t manage that it just won’t work.
So I’ll take you through my code of practice, and ethical directives that assure absolute confidentiality – and I’ll even demonstrate how private records are stored, and protected. This may seem a little over the top, but I want to put us both in the absolute best place possible, for this investment in time to work.
Trust is everything.
You need to feel comfortable enough to experiment with new ways of thinking, and to examine your own behaviour, perhaps, like never before.
It may be challenging, but you should never feel distressed at all, and if you do, just say so and we’ll stop. Same if you don’t feel comfortable discussing something. Just stop.
Working with a life coach is a very personal thing. And it’s got to feel right, for you.
Your only responsibility in a coaching relationship, is to yourself.
Having admitted that you need a little help, and then gone so far as to engage a coach, perhaps even sat for a few sessions, you owe it to yourself to give it the very best chance of success.
This is what you need to do:
Be honest with yourself
You must be willing to answer questions truthfully. Questions that, maybe, you have a stock answer for – that you don’t even believe yourself anymore.
I know this sounds difficult, but clients say it’s actually easier with someone they don’t know very well. And the bottom line is if you’re not honest in the process, it’s not going to work.
Admit you have the capacity to do this
I’m just a facilitator in this relationship. I’ll help, and guide, but you have to find your own solutions. However, rest-assured despite the difficulties you may have faced in the past finding a way through – you are naturally creative and resourceful.
And, you have an inherent capacity to grow and develop. I’m just going to activate that part of you, and you’ll lead the way.
Question your assumptions
You need to be prepared, and willing to have your assumptions and long-standing beliefs questioned. And, your reaction to certain trigger points and situations may come under the microscope too.
Be prepared to work at it
It’s not going to be handed to you on a plate though. You’ll set the agenda for a start, and you need to be able to work towards your goals. I’ll help keep you on track, but you’ll have to put in the effort.
The end result of all of this however, is a new life, a new job, and new stage – growth at the very least.
And surely that’s worth a bit of effort.
My only responsibility in a coaching relationship, is to you.
You guide the relationship, set the goals and the terms of success. My job is to help you get there, and hopefully give you the tools to continue your journey.
This is what I’ll do:
Build a trusting relationship
I’ll create an environment where a relationship built on trust, respect, and freedom of expression can grow. A non-judgemental, trusting relationship is key to the client coach partnership.
Increase your self-awareness
I’ll increase your levels of self-awareness by challenging thought patterns and providing alternatives to consider. This will help us discover the core of the issue, and from there we can move on to set goals.
Help you change your behaviour
To reach these goals we’ll need to examine what behaviours have been stopping your progress in the past, and eliminate them. We’ll model desired behaviours instead, and I’ll ensure you practice, and rehearse the new behaviours as much as possible.
Keep you on track
My final responsibility is to keep you focused and motivated. Providing guidance if you veer off course, and feedback on your progress, if and when necessary.
Although much of the coaching relationship is based on addressing thoughts and behaviours that are not serving you well, the process will actually reaffirm your strengths, values and core beliefs.
Coaching takes a holistic approach that’s incredibly positive in the long run.
If I’m successful in my job, and people begin to achieve what they’re really looking for – then happiness, and contentment is the result.
Unfortunately nobody has ‘yet’ created a full proof measure of happiness. I have to go by what my clients say, and what I see them go on to do after we’ve worked together.
“Turned my life around.”
However, that being said, a study from the International Coaching Federation identified the following results from a survey of their member’s clients:
I know it’s rather subjective, and not definitive, however I can assure you of one thing. If you don’t try, you’ll never know.
Not starting. Seriously.
Just thinking about it, but not actually doing anything.Procrastinating. Delaying. Prevaricating.
All of that is the greatest obstacle to change in your life. But once you start, then, there’s still more to do.
Resistance to change
We’re all very different, complex individuals with a maelstrom of experiences swirling around inside of us – yet we all value two things to a greater or lesser extent.
Stability, and variety.
Even if you’re an experience junky, or you love change on a constant basis, there are still some elements of your life that ground you and keep you together.
We’re all resistant to change at some level. And we’ve all developed emotional strategies to help us avoid pain and discomfort, even though we might not be aware of it. We may be fearful of change in general, or we may be fearful of the specific, negative consequences of change.
Whatever it is, these change blockers often mean that we don’t develop ourselves, or our team members, to effectively deal with change when it does come along.
Persistence to change
The good news, however, is that your brain is malleable, and actually hard wired to change if you’re persistent. The neuroplasticity of the human brain allows neural connections to form and reorganise in response to learning or experience.
And that’s what we try to harness in the coaching process.
The bad news though, is that our brain prefers homeostasis – a tendency towards stability – and it longs for what it knows best. That’s what’s kept us all alive for tens of thousands of years – so it’s based on a fairly successful strategy to be fair.
What we need to be aware of here, is that change is possible. Your beliefs and thoughts are not fixed.
It just takes time, effort, patience and tolerance. It might not happen as quickly as you like, and it’s easy to get discouraged, however over time, you can, and will change – and it’s worth all the effort you’ve got.